Seems like some childhood phenomenon.
Honestly, I think it doesn’t exist. Happiness is a myth as a grown up.
The maximum I can feel is a rare feeling of satisfaction
Is that happiness?
But then why don’t I ever want to jump around and smile a smile that isn’t fake, when I am in that state of contentment?
That is why, happiness doesn’t exist for me.
It’s why I don’t feel emotional when I am in crisis, because it isn’t like those crisis put a damper on some very positive phase where I was previously experiencing, say happiness, in life.
It’s always the same. It’s either crisis or no crisis.
And I’d like to think that I have adapted brilliantly to both. But not anything in between.
It may be that happiness is a myth. Or it just doesn’t exist for me. Or maybe it isn’t meant for me at all.
Either way, I think I am okay. I’ll be fine.
A tiny grain in the cosmos meant to extinguish one day, what could the worst possible do to change that?
I sometimes feel like this questioning is happiness really something that we can all have permanently? I still don’t know 😅. But sometimes the small things make up for it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happiness does exist. It’s a temporary state. I feel you meant to say: no such thing as permanent happiness. Same with permanent unhappiness. There are people who found permanent peace. Kabir, Meera, Vallalar. That was their Truth.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Peace and happiness are different concept. But yes, I mean exactly what I wrote. I don’t believe in the phenomenon of happiness altogether. Atleast that is how it is uptil now. My views may change based on experience later in life. But until then, happiness doesn’t exist for me.
You mean to say: you don’t feel good or bad? You have no childhood memories of feeling good? You never felt proud of your originality or writing? I just wanted to say: the very dictionary definition of happiness indicates that it’s a thing…like what you feel when you sing or dance or create or enjoy.
Probably happiness has a different meaning for every individual because it is a state of mind. As I have stated in my piece above, I only feel satisfied as an adult. Everything that I have achieved as an adult, has managed to merely satisfy me. I don’t think I have experienced happiness as an adult.
Also I have labelled it as a childhood phenomenon in my post. So obviously I recall some of that stuff as a child but not as an adult.
Now I better understand you. Your last few years or decades have been unhappy.